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Friday, February 20, 2015

Poligami

Wah...tajuk panas di hari Jumaat ni.

A few days back, this was the topic discussed in my ex-schoolmate wassap. Group org pompuan je. So u can imagine how emo we were when discussing this topic.

A friend of mine, baru je dimadukan.  I believe she is a good wife, have few kids, ada pekerjaan yg baik. I can't think any reason why her hubby nak kawin lagi satu. Well... mungkin as what my other friend said, man need no reason to do that... Dah jodoh suami dia agaknya. And being a good girl she is, dia memang dah redha. But the problem is; her hubby has asked her to attend the 'kenduri' meraikan his 2nd marriange.

Most of us in the group memang tak setuju.... coz kawan i tu, walaupun dah redha and izinkan suami dia kahwin satu lagi, dia kata hati dia belum kuat lagi sampai nak pi kenduri tu. But the hubby really mengharapkan that she will attend it. For what reason, i pon x tau. And my fren is torn about this.

I told my fren, bincang elok2. Sebab perkara ni masih baru. And she needs time to adapt with the whole situation. And really... I can't help from thinking negatively about this. I think tindakan her hubby agak selfish. Why would he want my fren to be happy with what he did? And how can she be happy for her hubby when she still have some pain about this matter? He should give my fren some time and space to get used to it. Masih baru lagi kot...

May be to some other, they can think rationally. It just a marriage, and she did not loose her husband. The possibility of having a happy poligami is there, and she needs to work on it. But i think most of us, would have the same opinion... even though kita dah redha, we still need time and space to get used to it.

I tak tentang poligami. But i think man should also think how his first wife would feel, and approach this matter wisely and fairly.

Now, imagine urself in the same situation... what would  do?

24 comments:

  1. oh my. sehari dua ni i duk dengar cerita poligami je

    anyway, i agree about the space and all.

    a friend forwarded a video abt a preacher saying "kalau ko turutkan isteri ko, tak merasa la kawen dua."

    Speechless.

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    1. hmmm...sometimes wonder apa niat deme ni nak kawin ramai kan anis... rasa mcm banyak yg pikir tang seronok je, tang tanggungjawab and berlaku adil tu ramai yg tercicir...

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  2. hmm me mmg emo kalo dgr citer ttg poligami ni...bukan emo kat si suami..tp emo bile fikirkan perasaan isteri pertama tu,me pernah mimpi dimadukan..walaupun hanya mimpi..pedihnye tu terasa smpai hari ni...tp bila fikir balik, kita kena bersedia jika ditakdirkan satu hari nanti kita ditakdirkan mcm tu,jodoh rahsia Allah..kalau dah Allah takdirkan jodoh seseorang tu sampai 2 kali,kita tak boleh tolak..walaupun hati (bukan jauh di sudut hati,tapi kat permukaan pun) kata harap-harap tak la jadi kat kita...takut tak mampu..

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    1. betul me, mindset tu kena ada, sbb suami bukan milik kita...

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  3. Hurm...isu poligami ni mudah bagi lelaki tetapi tidak bagi pihak perempuan. Walau dibibir melafazkan redha,hati didalam saya yakin rapuhnya pasti .Org laki ni kalo bab ni laju je stuju sebab ikut sunnah nabi katanya. Padahal sunnah lain byk lagi yg x dibuat..Haih...cari alasan je sume tu..Sy x tentang poligami tp buat masa ni kalo jd kt diri mayb perang gak kot.haha :p...nauzubillahiminzalik....

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    1. bergantung pada persediaan kita kan ieda... memang betul, pompuan bleh maafkan, tapi hati yg terguris tu sampai bila2 akan terkenang...

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  4. Jika i berada ditempat kawan u tu..i tak akan hadir ke kenduri kawen hubby dia. Cuma slow talk dgn hubby dan beri tahu knp dia tak nak hadir. Mgkn hubby dia nak sgt dia hadir..supaya nampak perkahwinan kedua itu diterima baik oleh isteri pertama.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. mungkin juga CPT...lelaki ni kan cara fikiran berbeza...sometimes kita pun x paham apa yg tersirat disebalik tindakan mereka ni... hehehhe...

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  5. Assalam sis. trima kasih visit blog sy. refer to ur question dkat blog. Sis stay mana? sy buat rawatan di Ng speacialist obgy clinic.

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    1. wsalam NFAM. I stay kat Nilai :-)

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  6. slm ST.. huhu btul hot topic wpun lambat sket akak baca.. lelaki yg kuat iman dan bijaksana shj yg layak bpoligami ni.. klu takat yg jenis suka ikut hati lbih baik jangan.. the best thing is dia jangan paksa isteri pertama utk berbaik dgn yg 2nd tu. Tp terus memberi ilmu kpd kedua2nya.. Apa2 pun kita manusia, lagi pulak wanita... mmg akan terkesan dgn keadaan tu.. mungkin ini berpunca dri pandangan masy kita terhadap poligami dri dulu.. sedih.. akak dh dgr mcm2 cerita mcm2 perisa psl ni.. itu dugaan berat utk org pompuan. Cuma jgn benci poligami T,T

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    1. Kak Baby, sangat setuju dgn pendapat akak... there is always 2 sides of coin kan... ada je poligami yang bahagia. Cuma memang betul suami kena berilmu dan membimbing isteri2 nya...

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  7. i agree with you st. kena cakap elok-elok kat husband. dah lah nak bagi kahwein berat hati, nak attend apatah lagi..

    as for me, i akan mengamok kot. pernah cakap dengan husband, if dia nak kahwin lagi, kahwinlah, saya tak marah. cuma sedih je. sedih can come in any different way. maybe takkan pedulikan husband, or tak cakap langsung. tapi memang tak boleh imagine if my husband kahwin lain. sedih. :(

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    1. sapa x sedih zura... huhuhu...

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  8. Nak elak langsung dari berdepan dengan isu poligami mungkin tak boleh la kot sebab family background Yani memang arwah Abah berpoligami dengan 4 isteri (maybe lebih..wallahualam), arwah mak 1st wife. Jadi Yani tahu apa rasanya sebagai anak kepada seorang ayah yang jarang ada kat rumah dan nampak apa yang arwah Mak pernah lalui membesarkan kami adik beradik seorang diri.

    Tapi bukan bermakna Yani tolak keras isu poligami ni. Tambahan pula dengan masalah Yani yang masih belum ada rezeki berikan zuriat pada suami. Takdir Tuhan kita tak boleh jangka, mana tahu suatu hari Yani perlu memberi keizinan kepada suami untuk mendapatkan zuriat dari perempuan lain. Tapi inshaAllah Yani boleh jadi kuat, ambil semangat dari arwah Mak yang tabah dan kuat menghadapi dugaan dimadukan. Cuma, kena selalu tanamkan dalam minda, suami bukan hak mutlak kita. Hanya dipinjamkan kepada kita untuk berkongsi hidup. Bila-bila masa boleh diambil semula dengan banyak cara; sama ada kematian atau perpisahan.

    Eh...sorry ye ST...terpanjang sangat pulak komen kat entri ni.

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    1. Hehehe..x pe yani, this topic is close to ur heart. Apa2 pun, kita doa lah smg x perlu lalui nya... amin...

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  9. kak nina...even dlm mimpi husband kawin lain pun dah menangis2 sampai basah bantal... ya Allah, mcm manalah wanita lain yg redha husband kawin lg 1...kuat betul emosi diorang ni..

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    1. nina, insan terpilih je yg akan lalui ujian ni...sbb Allah uji org yg mampu je...

      p/s: my fren penah cerita, dia mimpi husband dia kawin lagi, esok paginya dia marah kat hubby dia. hehehe...kelakar la pulak...mimpi je kot...

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  10. Kesian kawan sis. Tabah. Tapi jgn smpi kerana terlalu jaga hati suami, hati sendiri Tak terjaga. Better x pyh attend majlis kenduri tu. That is for the best.

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    1. My fren pi jugak rina...mmg tabah betui dia...

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  11. sian plak kawan ST.huhu...tak tahu laa mcmane kalau kita jadi dia kan.ira mmg xkan pegi kot.huhuhu.gasak laa ckp suh dtg camne pon.huuuuuuuu.harapa kawan ST kuat hadapi semuanya :(

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    1. she is one strong woman iya :-)

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  12. Panas nye topik..akak pernah sekali jumpa situasi ini..tapi doa akak hanya satu,sekiranya perkara ini baik untuk diriku,keluargaku dan agamaku,maka permudahkanlah..sekiranya sebaliknya,jauhkanlah..then..dijauhkan..yang terlibat dah kawin pun dengan orang lain..as for husband, i forgive no matter what..,and still trying to forget.

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    1. huhuhuhu...akak, mmg susah nk lupa kan... bleh maafkn tapi nk lupa susah... terkesan kt hati

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