Nuffnang Ads

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Doa

Usai solat maghrib tadi, termenung sejenak. Allah... lelah rasanya... Esok hari terakhir submission Board Paper. Tapi audited account i masih belum finalised... Board meeting is next week! And i was suppose to submit my paper a week before the meeting. Dah 3 kali i tunda tarikh submission. And tomorrow was my last chance. Kalau tidak, bersedialah untuk kena marah dgn Board Members...

Serabut otak i mikir... Berat rasa bebanan kerja ni... I have done everything from my part. And now, i just have to wait for the matter to resolve.

Terus i baca surah al-insyirah, moga Allah lapangkan hati dan fikiran i. I hayati bait2 ayat surah ini... ada kesenangan dalam kesulitan. Sesungguhnya ada kesenangan dalam kesulitan... dan i panjatkan doa semoga Allah leraikan kesulitan ini... Pasrah... I berserah pada Nya.

After isya', dapat message from auditor. He said the outstanding matters dah settled. And the figure can be finalised. He will send the draft tomorrow morning.

Subhanallah... Alhamdulillah... Allah dengar doa i. Terharu dan rasa sangat bersyukur sampai mengalir air mata gembira.

This is a reminder to myself. jangan putus harapan. Sungguh, mintalah pada Nya... Dia Maha Mendengar dan Maha Memberi...

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal...

Friday, May 20, 2016

Apa kamu pilih?

Kalau di beri pilihan...

Kamu mahu wang berkepuk? 
aku beri. 
Tapi syaratnya, kamu tidak akan dapat anak, dan kamu hanya akan hidup berdua dgn pasangan mu sahaja sehingga kamu mati.
Kamu mahu?

Kalau diberi pilihan...
Kamu mahu harta dan segunung intan permata? 
aku beri...
Tapi syaratnya, kamu tidak akan tahu apa itu rasa bahagia, tenang hati, jiwa dan raga. 
Kamu mahu?

Jgn banding bahagia orang dgn bahagia diri sendiri... Allah Maha Adil... Rezeki diberikan dalam pelbagai bentuk. Sesuai dgn kehidupan kita, sesuai dgn tanggungjawab kita...

Kamu nampak kamu kurang di sini, tapi org lain nampak kamu lebih di sana. 

Gembiralah dgn apa yg ada... Sebab bila2 masa nikmat itu boleh ditarik sekelip mata...

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Punching Bag

Marah macammana pun dengan org lain, please la jangan dilempiaskan kemarahan tu ke org lain pulak.

Today, first day I masuk keje minggu ni. I cuti semalam. Masuk opis, biasa la...ada queries from auditor yg nak dijawab and kena follow up on request balance confirmation dari shareholders. Since one of the shareholder x reply lagi, i sent an email requesting them to reply.

She called me. In a tone yg menunjukkan dia tak berpuas hati, and ask...why she need to confirm the balance? According to her, it looks like she is the one yg buat keje auditor. (Financial auditor out there, nak tanya...bukan ke salah satu cara yg paling tepat ialah balance confirmation from 3rd party? Instead of doing vouching dari revenue and receivable balance kan? I ni lama dah x buat audit on financial reporting ni...tapi rasanya kalau ikut ranking, confirmation dr 3rd party lebih baik dari vouching internal document kan?).

I ni memang penyabar orangnya, tapi sabar i ada limit juga tau. Bila sampai tahap 'ko ni apa hal nak marah aku pulak...' i memang malas nk bertekak. Laipun, makin kita layan, makin menjadi jadi marah dia. so i just shut my mouth and let her vent her anger and dissatisfaction. Dah habis dia bcakap tu, i just said, 'OK I'll check with auditor' and i hang up the phone.

I x faham, apa yg susah sgt dia nak reply confirmation tu. ...apa yg susah sgt ko nak reply balance confirmation? If tanak reply pon, fine! tak yah reply. Yg jadik i sakit ati, i pulak dia nk syarahkan as if i ni staff dia. We are of equal rank. I didn't report to her pun. 

Penat tau jadi punching bag.... (this is not the first time... dah a few time jadi mcm ni...).


p/s: My MIL dah keluar hospital hari ni...alhamdulillah... TQ atas doa kawan2 semua... Skang ni sambung recovery kat rumah pula...  

Friday, May 13, 2016

Satu hari di HUKM

Satu hari di HUKM, masa i melawat my MIL, doktor pelatih datang ke katil my mil.

*DI- doctor intern
*I- me


DI: puan, boleh saya interview tentang pesakit?
I: silakan...
DI: patient sakit apa ya?
I: Ada tumor dalam usus besar. 
DI: how did the patient found out she has tumor?
I: she's been having abdominal pain for the past 4 days. When we went to specialist they did MRI and found a tumor in her large intestine. 
DI: owh... Dah operate ke? 
I: belum. But doctor will do it asap as this is considered emergency case. The intestine is blocked. They will take the tumor out and check whether the tumor is benign or malignant.
DI: ic... Okey. Tq for your time.
I: no problem. You all student tahun ke berapa ni? 
DI: third year. Ermmm... Puan ni doctor ke?

Hehehehe... Ada muka doctor agaknya i ni 😅

P/s: Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well. Doc kata mudah ja urusan pembedahan my mil. Skang ni concentrate on recovery. Terima Kasih kepada semua yg mendoakan. Semoga Allah balas dgn kebaikan yg setimpal dan rezeki yang meluas buat kalian. Amin...

Thursday, May 12, 2016

My MIL

My MIL sangat baik. I'm so lucky to have her as my mother in law. Rezeki yg x semua orang dapat. Dia x pernah pressure I pasal anak. She knows my condition and she understood. She was the one who took care of me after my 2 laparascopic surgeries and my 2 IVFs. She is one strong women, taking care of her kids when FIL passed away.

Last week, my MIL sakit perut for 3 days. Actually she was having abdominal pain since past 3 months, tapi it was on and off. Cuma last week sakit tu berterusan, hence she decided to go to hospital. Doctor prescribed her panadol & antibiotic, saying that she has Urine Track Infection. She asked the doctor, x payah nak scan ka apa ka? And the doctor said, NO need.

The next day, makin sakit. My hubby asked my BIL to take my MIL to Salam medical centre. After MRI, doc found out tumor in her large intestine. The intestine was blocked and the tumor area dah bengkak. Doc suggest to operate soon, as the MRI result is not looking good. But since cost pembedahan di hospital swasta mahal, the family decided to transfer her to HUKM.

And this morning, my MIL tgh menjalani operation utk buang tumor tersebut. Mohon doa rakan2 sekalian, smg Allah permudahkan urusan my MIL and smg Allah kuatkan hati kami semua untuk menghadapi ujian ni.

"Ya Allah, permudahkan lah untuk mak... berikan kesembuhan untuknya, dan sejahterakan lah hidupnya di dunia dan di akhirat....Amin...."

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Pengalaman Ujian Mammogram

Last week, persatuan penduduk wanita kawasan perumahan i anjurkan program mamogram. Alhamdulillah, berkesempatan join kali ni.

Last year, x bleh join sbb dia kata only 40 years and above je yg boleh. This year penganjur kata 35 years above bleh pi. Laju i sign up. 

Tapi bila sampai hospital, registration i x diterima sbb belum 40. Akak yg anjurkan program tu suruh tunggu sbb dia nak check dgn wakil hospital yg dia deal with tu. According to them, those yg below 40 breast tissues are still dense. Kiranya mcm x nampak sgt la result mammogram tu. But those yg bawah 40, atas 35 tahun kalau ada faktor risiko, boleh buat ujian ni.

Macam i, since I'm above 35 years and never been pregnant, plus my aunty has cancer history, so they allowed me to do the mammogram.
bilik mammogram
Prosedur mammogram went well. Macam nak x-ray jugak, u kena buka semua pakaian (belah atas ja, so better pakai baju yg 2 piece instead of jubah/dress) n pakai hospital gown. Semua accessory diperbuat dari besi yg u pakai (like keronsang) kena buka.

To me ujian ni x sakit pun. Cuma kurang selesa sebab pressure on your breast. They try to flatten ur breast untuk dapatkn imej terbaik dari tepi dan atas for the mammogram. Macam terkapit kan... rasa x selesa la sikit...

Sekejap ja buat mammogram ni. Yg penting kena lembutkan sikit badan, sebab sometimes u would feel awkward nak berdiri dekat dgn mesin mammogram tu. Don't worry, the radiologist will help u do that... so kena lembutkan badan, nanti dia adjust cara berdiri n nk letak tangan kat mana sume... Alhamdulillah radiologist kami dapat perempuan).

But mcm yg i kata kat atas tadi, imej mammogram i x berapa jelas, sebab i'm below 40. So dia buat ultrasound pula to confirm there is no lump or other sign of cancer. Habis ultrasound, tunggu jumpa doc plak nak dapatkan result.

Bila jumpa doc, doc kata i ada calcification sikit on my left upper outer area. Calcification ni macam pengumpulan kalsium, which is normal as we aged. It could also be cancer symptom, but since there is no other sign of cancer, doc rule out that my BIRAD score is 2 - benign findings. Doc advise i repeat ultrasound test within a year to see if there is any changes.

Alhamdulillah...lega rasanya bila result ok. Sebab last 2 weeks masa buat self examination, rasa mcm ada lump. Doc cakap may be tu lymph nodes...

It's important to do self breast check up. And if u rasa something wrong with your breast, pls do go to nearest clinic and get doc's opinion. Especially my TTCian friend yg dah 35 and above, sebab the risk is higher for breast cancer memandangkan kita x pernah mengandung dan menyusukan anak.

FYI, my fren bgtau LPPKN ada free mammogram screening sampai bulan july ni di klinik2/hospital2 terpilih (after that, no more subsidi!). You can call them and ask about this program. If u r 40 and meet syarat kelayakan dia, yes you can proceed terus mammogram. But if u above 35 and below 40, menepati syarat kelayakan dia, tapi ada faktor2 risiko lain, u boleh buat juga. You can refer LPPKN pages here for more info.

Breast Cancer adalah pembunuh utama wanita... early detection can prevent this...

Till then :-)

Monday, May 09, 2016

Ell Jus Herba

Sepanjang hidup i, i tak pernah makan/minum jamu. Bukan apa...bila sebut jamu ni, dok terbayang pahit dan tak sedap. Ye la kan... ubat2 mesti selalunya pahit & x sedap. Rasa macam loya tekak la kalo nak telan...

Until..... Kawan i promote kat I Ell Jus Herba.

Skang ni pagi2 mmg minum jus herba ni...


Memula tu macam... err... nak try ke? Kang x lalu, membazir ja... My friend kata, jus ni elok untuk kesihatan dalaman org perempuan. Elok untuk buang angin2 dalam badan, dan stabilkan hormon (A few months ago period i haywire...) And since dia buat dari bahan2 asli, tak de campuran bahan kimia semua, apa salahnya kalau i cuba kan... so i try la...

My verdict;

First time minum; hmmm.... not bad. Tak la pahit, and ok ja i minum. (Since i tgh diet, I amik yg stevia. Tapi kawan i kata yg ada gula melaka lagi sedap. Lepas ni bleh try beli yg gula melaka pulop). Tak sampai 5 minit i minum, i terus pening and loya sebab angin i naik kepala. Lepas i sedawa keluar angin, fuh...lega... Tapi sekarang ni bila ambil jus ni, dah x loya n pening dah. Sekali tu ja i loya n pening. Agaknya sebab banyak sgt angin dalam badan i masa tu, dia kasik buang semua.

Second thing yg i notice, my visit ke toilet pagi2. Alhamdulillah... memang pagi2 x miss dari 'membuang' sejak i ambik jus ni. Hehehehe... good for my intestine :-P My period pun alhamdulillah dah stabil semula. And the bonus point - kulit i jadi lembut! Yang tu i x sangka sebab masa i cuba i x baca pun apa2 testimoni or kebaikan jus ni, melainkan mcm yg kawan i cakap kat i tadi. So i was quite surprise bila i rasa kulit i lembut. heheheh....

Selain tu, i rasa bertenaga and rasa ringan badan. Alhamdulillah, every weekdays, pagi2 bila bangun tido, x de nk malas2 atas katil... I woke up, solat then terus buat senaman pagi i for 30 - 40 minutes. Then siap2 pi keje. OK ja i bertenaga sampai la malam. Mungkin sebab badan dah rasa ringan, tambah dengan senaman2 pagi tu, i rasa cergas ja sepanjang hari...

So conclusionnya, jus ni memang serasi dgn i. And I think jus ni bagus untuk kawan2 yg hormon haywire and tgh TTC. Mana tau, mungkin lepas minum jus ni, hormon stable and rahim pun jadi lebih sihat, ada rezeki u all. Kita usaha ja kan :-) Jus ni pun sesuai untuk org yg baru lepas bersalin... Sebab dia memulihkan semula rahim (kasik 'ketat' balik mana2 yg dah loose tu) and beri tenaga... Kalau u all nak try, i suggest try 4 botol untuk stok sebulan terus. Boleh pm fb/wassap the following fb/number:

fb:  NOR ILDA AMIZA II

Ni i attached brochure Jus Herba Ell

antara kebaikan minuman jus herba Elle ni...








Guideline kalau nk loss weight ELLian's style

Bahan2 dalam jus Ell


Ni harganya...tengah promosi pengenalan... harga mampu milik (x termasuk kos pos) dan berbaloi dgn khasiatnya...


Tuesday, May 03, 2016

A Letter To The Embryos That Didn’t Implant After Our IVF Transfer

Kawan TTC i forward this message @ my wassap last week. A letter written by a lady who failed her IVF. Lepas baca, i terus rasa... yes... that was the same feeling that i felt after my IVFs failure, Despite the grief and sadness of failed IVF, there was a sense of gratefulness for having to experience being 'preggy' even though for only 11 days.

Here goes the letter....



To our little embryos, the ones that failed to implant after our IVF transfer:


I wish I knew why things work out the way they do, but I don’t.


I don’t know why you didn’t stick around (literally) the way I hoped and prayed you would. I don’t know why our IVF transfer failed, why you didn’t grow into the beautiful little babies I imagined you could have been. I don’t know why I’ll never get to hear your hearts beat, feel your tiny feet kick, or swell with your growing life inside of me.


I don’t know why you weren’t meant to become my children. I don’t know why the children I already have won’t get to call you siblings or why my parents won’t get to call you grandbabies.


I don’t know why I won’t get to call you by the names I so carefully chose for you.


I don’t know why I was chosen to bear the burden of infertility. I don’t know why I can’t just be “normal” or why my body so strongly resists giving me what my heart desires.


I don’t know why you left me empty in so many places—my womb, my heart, the part of my soul that attached to you when the doctor put you inside of me. I don’t know how long the holes you left will take to close. I don’t know if they ever will.


I don’t know a lot of things, little embryos, but I do know this:


For you—and for all you gave me in our short time together—I am grateful.


I am grateful for the sense of purpose you gave me.


I am grateful because you made me feel like something bigger than myself (and I’m not just talking about all the bloating from the hormones and IVF medications). You made me feel responsible for protecting you. You made my body feel like a gift instead of a curse. You made me aware of the fragility of life, and you taught me how to cherish it.


You made me feel like I was worth something, like I was something.


I am grateful for the 11 days of “pregnancy” you gave me.


I am grateful because in that short span of time we spent together before my negative blood test, I got to feel like any other pregnant woman, even if I was never technically pregnant at all. I got to make decisions based on what was best for you. I got to request decaf coffee and hard-cooked eggs at the diner we went to for breakfast. I got to avoid hot baths and heating pads, even when I was cramping. I got to practice prenatal yoga and monitoring my own heart rate so it never rose above 140.


I got to feel just a touch of that unique pregnancy paradox—to experience something that’s so innately natural, yet so breathtakingly extraordinary.


I am grateful for the memories you gave me.


I am grateful because even though I feel an emptiness now, I remember the fullness I felt when we were together. I remember how it felt when you filled me with love and optimism, with promise and possibility. I remember how it felt when you filled me with life.


I remember how it felt to carry you in my body and in my heart. I remember you. And I always will.


And for that, little embryos, I am grateful.


So even though we’ve parted ways, even though our destinies were not meant to intertwine, even though I am sitting here at my computer typing you this letter through tears of grief, I am grateful.




Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...
For my IVF experience, you can read at this link  & link...