The Decision

Backdated Entry:

12 August 2016

Friday, the Blessed day of the week. 11.36 am. I was browsing my lappy kat opis, tgh tgk barang2 nak beli utk bakal anak kucen i. This was the starting point, when my life starts on emotional roller coaster journey.

My phone's ring out a tone signaling A wassap msg coming. It was from my sister, saying that a baby is available for adoption, the mother is at the hospital already and whether i want to adopt the baby or not... 

And i was like 😱😱😱😱😱 whattt???!!!! Is this really happening? Menggigil i dapat msg from my sister. I mmg x aktif mencari anak angkat. And up to some point i really wanted to try on my own.

It was so sudden, but my heart immediately wanted to say yes... but i'm working and i have classes on the weekend. The baby is newborn. Cemana i nak jaga? And a lot of other doubt came into my mind.
I told my sister, to give me some time and let me discuss it over with MDH.

Lepas i bertenang seketika, i msg MDH about this. His answer just simple - "OK ja, but we need to plan for it". Ye la kan... We are taking responsibility of being a parent. We must be responsible in making decision.

OK, OK... Let's do some plan... the big question yg i terfikir masa tu, siapa nak jaga baby masa i pi keje. Sapa nak jaga baby masa i pegi kelas on weekend? I kerja and ada kelas on weekend, masa bila nak bonding ngan baby? Ya Allah...boleh ke i nak jaga baby, keje and study? Boleh ke?

OK, OK... tarik nafas...lepas...tarik nafas... lepas... Calm down! Think it through... Take step by step...
We need to plan if we want to make this happend.

First thing first -  baby sitter. Siapa i nak carik jadik baby sitter ni? OK...Let's google taska or baby sitter area around my house. Browsing the internet...browsing... ni iklan lama... Taska ni macam tak ambik newborn... huhuhuhu... OK, jom tanya jiran sebelah umah, mana dia hantar anak dia. And nak tak babysitter dia ambik baby...

Msg Masuk - jiran kata, babysitter dia tanak dah jaga baby. Jiran i suggest tanya kat akak yg duduk selang a few houses from mine. Skang ni dia jaga sorang budak ja... So i asked akak A. Alhamdulillah, she said yes!!! Yes! Settle satu perkara on babysitter.

Now on weekend... let's ask my sister. Rumah dia x jauh dr tempat i belajar... and yes, she said yes as well.

But, i think i kena ambik cuti la...nak bonding ngan baby, and nak focus on induce lactation so that i boleh jadikan baby ni anak susuan... i need to take unpaid leave. Errr...cukup ka simpanan nk meet commitment? Let's calculate... hmm... OK kot kalau nak take unpaid leave 2 months...

And i smile...
Lega...terus lega... sebab now i have a plan :-) Next step; further discussion with MDH.


13 August 2016

I was told that the baby was born yesterday! Baby girl. My sister sent her photo, and my heart melted... just melted... (sigh...). I was in my class during that time. And God... susahnya nak control the feeling. Yes, I cried in my class... during the 10-minutes-break-that-the lecturer-gave-us-in-between-the-lecture-where-i-check-my-hp-for-whatssap-messages. After that, i just loose my focus. Just teringatkan the baby, what would be the final decision that we will make, a lot of preparation that we need to do sebab if we were to decide that we want the baby, we need to prepare everything in 2 weeks! Seriously, I just want to lie down and think...


14 August 2016

Over the 2 days, we (me & MDH) think it through... It is 100% for me. Coz bagi i, ini rezeki.I still remember my doa masa last Ramadhan... Kalau cara nak perolehi anak ialah dengan berusaha on our own, I minta Allah murahkan rezeki kami dan permudahkan urusan kami. But if it is dengan cara ambil anak angkat, I minta Allah lorongkan jalan tu.And here it is... Allah dah lorongkan. So I'm 100% yes.

MDH still thinking over the 2 days. I understand... My MIL is still battling her cancer, has a few rounds of chemo. And to have additional responsibility and amanah, it is not an easy decision sebab kat akhirat nanti Allah akan tanya balik sama ada kami tunaikan amanah tu dgn baik ke tak. But in the end, he decided and it is YES! Alhamdulillah... May Allah ease our journey in this...

I was prepared to have a kitten. I end up having a baby :-) Nikmat Tuhan kamu yg manakah kamu mahu dustakan? (crying....)

Please, do pray for us ya... May Allah permudahkan persediaan kami...

p/s: remember my entry Hello? It was all about this :-)