it's been a while

kan... lama x menulis di sini. been busy with work, study n banyak update kt insta je...

How are u dear readers? Masih ada lagi kah pembaca blog suam2 kuku ni? Kadang tu sampai terpikir nak tutup ja blog ni... sbb penyakit malas nak update. Sebab lebih mudah update di insta...

Anyway, I alhamdulillah...sihat walafiat. Bagai di pam pam rasanya. Now berat adalah yg paling maksima penah i alami. Huhuhuhu.... thanks to pemakanan yg tidak dijaga and tidur yg x teratur. Kehkehkeh...But i know it is an alasan je... Boleh je nak diet... cuma bila nak diet, mesti ada terpikir 'esok la...', 'nxt monday la'. Huhuhuhu... Siapa geng ngan i perangai cam ni sila angkat tangan.

Life is great. Amna is now 4 months old. Belum buleh memusing lagi untuk meniarap. Tapi kalau ditiarapkan, boleh la dia bertahan agak lama. Skang tengah belajar nak memusing. Dia rajin 'membebel'. I slalu post bebelan amna kat my insta. Memang banyak gambar and video amna ja kat my insta tu... coz now my world is revolved around her :-)

I juga dah berjaya menyusukan amna untuk kenyang kali yang ke dua. Alhamdulillah, syukur sangat. Senggang waktu antara susuan pertama dan kedua pun x jauh. Dalam 3 minggu kot. First susuan 14 Nov. 2nd susuan 8 Dec. Doakan susu i makin banyak. Sekarang nih masih kutip pakai syringe, dapat la sehari around 6ml. Alhamdulillah... Now tengah mengumpul untuk susuan yg ketiga. So far, horlicks and oats work wonder for me. I rasa banyak susu i bila minum horlicks and makan oat.

OK uolls, x tau nak update apa lagi... but before i go, meh nak belanja satu gambar amna ;-)

My cutepie - Amna

Till then :-)

Anak Susuan - My journey so far

As mentioned before, i memang dah niat nak jadikan Amna anak susuan i. Selain dari memudahkan isu aurat, i want Amna to grow up with my milk and nak lagi kuatkan bonding kami as mother and child.

It is not an easy journey...

Masa bulan pertama ambik amna, rutin pam i terganggu. Masih x biasakan diri lagi dgn new routine of having a baby. Bila x konsisten pam, pengeluaran susu terbantut. elok2 i dah ada susu sikit2, pengeluaran susu tu jadi x meningkat and ada penurunan sikit... 

Kalau nak ikutkan give up, banyak kali dah i give up. Penat. Sebab Amna x mau nyusu direct feed coz susu i sikit sangat. Pls bear in mind, i dapat Amna masa dia dah 2 minggu. She was already fully breast feed with her biological mother. So bila i try nak susukan dia, (supaya dia dapat rangsang susu i), dia meraung raung x nak sebab sikit gila susu i. 2-3 kali sedut abih dah. Huhuhu... Bila i bagi masa dia dah kenyang, dia tak nak pulak. I tried use medela nursing system, susahnya ya Allah... susah nak control baby yg x sabar nk susu, susah nak control flow susu. So the first 2 months tu mmg usaha nak direct feed hancur. 

Everytime org/nurse kata kat i 'bagi ja breast feed kat dia' i stress.... Coz that person x nampak cemana Amna nangis dgn teruk tak nak direct breast feed. Pastu, tak nak pulak guide i cemana cara nak bagi Amna direct feed. My lactation consultant terus MIA. She didn't answer my msg. Sedih sgt... I banyak baca from internet ja. 

And now, Amna dah biasa dgn botol, memang dia tolak terus direct feed. X reti dah nak isap. Siap 'gag' lagi bila try direct feed. Now i dah masuk kerja, and my exam is in another 3 weeks, Memang i x tumpu pun nak ajar Amna breast feed direct again. X sempat, coz it requires effort. What i do now, memang mengharapkan pam je la... And squeez all the milk manually, kumpul pakai syringe.

Last week i pi mengurut, alhamdulillah ada la meningkat sikit. But still I have a long way to go.

Sepanjang 2 bulan setengah Amna bersama kami, i kumpul la sikit2 susu i. 

Max i pernah dapat dalam satu hari ialah 4-5ml. Average - 3ml. Huhuhuhu...just imagine... 1 oz equivalent to 30ml. Amna kenyang betul with 3oz. And in a day i cuma dapat 3 ml. Akhirnya dalam 2 bulan setengah mengumpul tu, Last monday, baru i dapat kumpul 3.5oz. And Alhamdulillah Amna dah berjaya disusukan sekali kenyang. 

Sebak sangat bila dah susukan Amna sekali kenyang tu. Remembering all the effort, mmg mengalir la air mata happy sbb dapat dah sekali kenyang. So, 4 more to go. I know it is not an easy journey, But i will get there... doa x pernah putus. Harap u all pun dapat doakan i supaya dapat susukan Amna not only cukup untuk jadi anak susuan, but cukup untuk dia sehingga dia berumur dua tahun. Amin...

Till then :-)

Spelling and usage of english word

Ok, i bukan la terer sgt english ni. Smtimes i pon ada salah eja. But if u encounter wrong spelling or wrong word used yg boleh bagi makna lain, would u tegur that person? Bgtau yg wassap dia/updates dia di blog/fb ada salah guna perkataan or wrong spelling?

Sbb mcm serba salah... takut salah paham berlaku kalo ditegur, kalau x tegur pulak, kesian plak kt org tu. 

Kalau i rapat ngan org tu, i akan tegur. Kalau i x rapat, i x berani nk tegur sbb takut teguran disalah ertikan... 

How about u?

Ni contoh... nak kata door gift jadi doggie 😅

Till then 😘

Adoption Process/ Proses Pengangkatan Anak Pelihara/ Anak Angkat

Hello dear readers... Masih ada lagi ka readers blog sendu ni. Hahahaha... Anyway, how are u? I doakan smg u all sihat sejahtera dan diberikan kelapangan hati buat semua.

I'm back to the office since last tuesday. After 2 months of leave, memang lemau ler nak masuk opis balik. But life must go on... x keje, x dop gaji la pulak kan... huhuhu...mengumpul kekuatan dan semangat. Masa keje mmg dok teringat Amna. X zabar eh hakak ni nak balik umah jumpa Amna... hehehehe...

Orait... i still hutang u all cerita on the process of adoption kan... Memula ingat complicated la sangat sebab nak kena pi court bagai... rupanya idak la complicated mana...

Orait... on 30/8, i and My Dear Hubby pegi court untuk proces akuan bersumpah mengambil Amna sebagai anak angkat kami. We met Amna's biological mother kat court tu. Sebab the biological mother kena buat akuan bersumpah juga mengatakan dia serahkan anak tu pada keluarga angkat. Pesuruhjaya sumpah di mahkamah tu kemudiannya akan buat pengesahan dan legalisekan document akuan tu. You need to retain both original copy of akuan bersumpah tu (akuan ibu kandung yang menyerahkan anak and akuan keluarga angkat yg mengambil) untuk proses pengangkatan dan mendaftarkan pengangkatan tu di Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara (JPN) selepas 2 tahun dari tarikh ambil baby.

Lepas settle kat court, baru la kami jumpa Amna, dan bawa Amna pulang ke rumah kami. 

But the process doesn't stop here. Sebab kanak2 di Malaysia ni dilindungi bawah Akta Kanak-Kanak yang mewajibkan sesiapa yg ambil anak angkat, untuk memberitahu Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat (JKM)  - Bahagian Kanak2 tentang hal ini. Pemberitahuan mesti dibuat dalam tempoh 7 hari dari tarikh ambil baby/anak angkat. Kalau lambat boleh dikenakan hukuman denda rm10k or penjara 2 tahun kot kalo x silap. Cara nak beritahu, isi borang 12. Borang ni boleh minta dengan JKM. Atau kalau pengangkatan melalui rumah perlindungan, i diberitahu biasanya dorang akan sediakan. U all just need to submit the form pada JKM berdekatan dgn rumah u all.

Lepas submit borang 12 ni, nanti pegawai in charge akan panggil untuk interview pasangan yg ambil anak pelihara ni. sekali tu ja interview. I was told dulu2 ada dibuat lawatan ke rumah dalam tempoh 2 tahun tu. Skang dah x buat dah. Lepas interview, kalau pegawai tu puas hati yg anak pelihara tu akan terbela nasibnya duduk dgn keluarga angkatnya, pegawai JKM tu akan keluarkan borang 13, yg menyatakan sokongan pengangkatan. Borang ni nanti akan digunakan sebagai supporting utk memohon sijil pengangkatan dari Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara and sahkan yang anak tu anak angkat kita dari segi undang2. FYI, selagi x disahkan oleh JPN, anak tu masih boleh diambil semula oleh keluarga kandungnya... 

Alhamdulillah...Kami dah terima borang 13 dari pegawai JKM. So now, kita tunggu la 2 tahun... after 30/8/2018, kami dah boleh start pendaftaran anak angkat di JPN. Kalau umur panjang, and blog ni idup lagi juga ada kesempatan, I'll share how the process kat JPN nanti :-)

InsyaAllah, I'll try to update lebih kerap kat sini... Actually I banyak update kat my ig @ninaafida, almost every day. Tu yg jarang blogwalking skang nih... And if u r my blog reader, say hi to me kat my ig ya :-)

Till then...

Time flies....

Time... That is what i'm lacking now. Or rather time management. 

It's been more than 2 weeks since we have our baby, Amna. Lintang pukang awal2 tu. Maklum la... X biasa. And my mental preparation was only 2 wks prior to her arrival. X mcm mothers lain who had 9 months to get ready. 

Honestly, i do feel stress. Especially bila Amna nangis yg i x tau punca. Feel so helpless. Rasa nk nangis sama. Hahaha... 

I demam malam kami bawa amna pulang ke rumah. Pakej skali ngan cirit birit. Imagine la nk suaikn diri dlm keadaan x sihat tu. 3 hari juga la i demam n cb. Lps pi klinik, mkn ubat baru ok.

The nite i pi klinik tu, balik dr klinik tu amna nk susu. Steriliser botol susu amna baru ja siap sterelised. Bila i buka penutupnya, habis tangan i kena steam panas.

Ni gambar 6 days after kena. A reminder to me sebenarnya. To Remain calm. Alhamdulillah today the wound dah elok baik.

Also Alhamdulillah, amna is not a fussy baby. Cuma skang ni ada problem on susu formula. Sepanjang duduk dgn her biological mother, she was breastfeed. I still don't have enough milk to feed her. So we opt for formula milk. Hari ke tiga Amna dgn kami, dia start sembelit. Kesian sgt... Terus kami tukar susu. Pun sembelit gak. Nangis2 nak berak sampai merah muka. Nangis yg paling teruk i penah tengok dia nangis... Huhuhu... Kitorang tukar lagi susu. This time around dah x sembelit, tapi amna asik la berak2. Then last skali tukar lagi susu. Kali ni nampak ok. Nangis juga sikit2 bila dia nak berak. Tapi x la sembelit mcm dulu. Perut dia masih gassy. Kentut memanjang. Kesian amna...

Pls doakan susu i cepat keluar. I did try bf ke amna, tapi dia nangis protes sbb susu i sikit sgt. Dua tiga kali sedut dah x dop. Huhuhu... Doakan Allah permudahkan utk i jadikan amna anak susuan kami... Amin...

Banyak nak cerita psl amna. But i still fail bab time management. And i still owe u guys cerita on prosedur anak pelihara and anak angkat. InsyaAllah... I'll write about it...

Till then...

Induce Lactation

I memang dah lama niat, kalau ambil anak angkat, i nak jadikan dia as anak susuan. Selain mudah untuk kami jaga aurat sekeluarga, breastfeeding is actually a bonding time. 

18 August 2016

I met the lactation consultant at Hospital Pantai Bangsar. She is a freelancer, but the hospital given her an office there. Masa consultation tu dia tanya macam2 la... Penah buat rawatan kesuburan ke tak, penah mengandung ke tak, bila nk dapat baby, waktu kerja bila, waktu rehat bila etc. Basically the interview adalah untuk memudahkan dia merancang plan to induce milk yg sesuai dgn gaya hidup kita. 

Then the consultant tgk physical appearance of the breast and show how the pumping session is done. I don't have to worry about buying pump lagi for now, sebab the consultant tu bagi sewa pump for rm200/month. According to her, better pakai hospital grade pump because it is for stimulation purpose. The one in commercial market, lebih sesuai kalau untuk express milk for those yg ada susu. Sbb i malas nk pikir, ok la... Just use the rental 🙊🙊🙊

In addition, i have to take 2 medication - ubat herba (halba) dan motilium. And i am required to do at least 6 pumping session in a day. 

23 August 2016

I've been pumping for 6 days. Religously mind u... I even do more often then the plan laid out by my consultant. 

Based on my reading, sebenarnya stimulation is far more important than hormon treatment. Sbb bila u stimulate, the stimulation will send signal to ur body that u need to produce milk. The stimulation i.e the pumping mimics baby sucking for milk. 

On day 3, i started pumping every 3 hours. Nak senang ingat, at 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3 pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12 am and 3am. And the cycle goes... 

And today, alhamdulillah, i dah nampak little tiny dots of clear liquid, (like saliva in texture keluar frm u know where). My consultant said it is a positive sign that my body responding well to the stimulation. 

25 August 2016

My first dot of susu perhaps? So excited this morning bila tgk kat corong tu ada susu lekat. Tak pe la baru setitik pun... Alhamdulillah... Bagi semangat nk susukan...

28 August 2016

Alhamdulillah, dah makin bertambah a few drop of susu setiap kali pump. Cuma kena banyak minum air... 

Harap harapnya dapat la jadi banyak nanti. Smg ada rezeki for my daughter...

29 August 2016

Went to see the lactation consultant. Kali ni dia ajar perah susu dgn tangan lepas pump n kumpul susu2 tu... Every drop is precious! 

Pls Doakan i ya 😊 smg ada rezeki my baby nk jadi anak susuan... 

P/s: Kalau nak tau detail pengalaman i about induce lactation, email me ya... 

The Progress

20 August 2016

It's been a week since we made the decision. Today, i ponteng kelas 🙊🙊🙊🙊 pi beli barang2 for my baby. Since i x tau barang apa i nak beli utk baby ni, my husband ajak my sil n mil to join us. Seronok tgk mil pun semangat nak sambut my baby 😊

OMG!!! Seronok gila sopping eh!!! Bukan apa, excited tgk baju2 baby girl... Cantik2... My sil n mil advised us barang apa nak beli, apa yg x perlu. Kind of educational shopping if u asked me 🙊. 

Balik umah, terus prepare tempat nak letak baju baby. Baju2 yg dah dibeli siap2 cabut tag harga. Later2 la kita basuh. At the same time, jot down juga apa barang2 yg masih x cukup lagi.

22 August 2016

We have finalised the date to take our adopted baby from her mother. It is on 30th Aug! Am so excited!!! X sabar nk jumpa my baby... We'll have a long journey to plan n travel nxt wk. Can't wait! 😁

Nanti i cerita how is the process ya...

23 August 2016

Hari ni baby dah kluar dr spital. Alhamdulillah. Antibiotic course dah abis smalam, result darah dah clear. Cuma test air kencing ada protein. Doc said that most probably dr jangkitan masa lahir hari tu. The positive side, bacaan protein tu makin menurun. Doc kata jumaat ni test sekali lagi utk pastikn bacaan protein dlm air kencing makin turun. Otherwise it could be a sign of kidney problem. 

Ya Allah... Risaunya i... Hopefully my baby will be OK. She is far away from me. Nothing i can do but pray that Allah will protect her always... 

I have not meet her yet, i only see her pictures. But i know i love her already... 

Hari Hari Yang Seterusnya...

15 August 2016

Time to put plan into motion. Pagi2 i dah ngadap boss and inform him that I'll be taking unpaid leave for 2 months to care for my newborn adopted child. Alhamdulillah...boss i OK ja... Then, shoot to KLCC. Had lunch with my BFF. Waktu i share the news with her, i siap nangis lagi tau! kat Secret Recipe masa tu. Org yg mkn sebelah kitorang heran agaknya tgk apasal la minah ni nangis... huuhuhu... that was a happy tears OK. I can't count how many times i have cried talking about my baby. Even lepas solat pon i nangis sbb rasa syukur sgt Allah bagi peluang ni... After lunch, jumpa my indirect boss and inform her my plan as well. Alhamdulillah, settle...

16 August 2016

In the morning, went to clinic yg i slalu pegi, tanya if klinik dia ada bagi ubat for induce lactation. The answer was NO. The doc asked me to see my Gynea instead. So i set an appointment on the next day to meet my gynea.

Then I submitted my Unpaid Leave application form. Held department meeting to inform my staff. All of them was happy for me. They knew how i wanted baby so much (or were they happy sebab i'll be going on leave for 2 months? hhuhuhuhu :-P)

17 August 2016

Pagi2, pi PHKL. Jumpa my gynea. Turn out that I should see a Lactation Consultant sepatutnya. So I contacted the number given. But the consultant was not around that day. I made an appointment with her the next day.

I got a call from the person in charge (PIC) in arranging the adoption. My baby is still in hospital. Doc dah mulakan antibiotik. Result darah masih belum dapat. I risau... Smg Allah lindungi my baby...

The Decision

Backdated Entry:

12 August 2016

Friday, the Blessed day of the week. 11.36 am. I was browsing my lappy kat opis, tgh tgk barang2 nak beli utk bakal anak kucen i. This was the starting point, when my life starts on emotional roller coaster journey.

My phone's ring out a tone signaling A wassap msg coming. It was from my sister, saying that a baby is available for adoption, the mother is at the hospital already and whether i want to adopt the baby or not... 

And i was like 😱😱😱😱😱 whattt???!!!! Is this really happening? Menggigil i dapat msg from my sister. I mmg x aktif mencari anak angkat. And up to some point i really wanted to try on my own.

It was so sudden, but my heart immediately wanted to say yes... but i'm working and i have classes on the weekend. The baby is newborn. Cemana i nak jaga? And a lot of other doubt came into my mind.
I told my sister, to give me some time and let me discuss it over with MDH.

Lepas i bertenang seketika, i msg MDH about this. His answer just simple - "OK ja, but we need to plan for it". Ye la kan... We are taking responsibility of being a parent. We must be responsible in making decision.

OK, OK... Let's do some plan... the big question yg i terfikir masa tu, siapa nak jaga baby masa i pi keje. Sapa nak jaga baby masa i pegi kelas on weekend? I kerja and ada kelas on weekend, masa bila nak bonding ngan baby? Ya Allah...boleh ke i nak jaga baby, keje and study? Boleh ke?

OK, OK... tarik nafas...lepas...tarik nafas... lepas... Calm down! Think it through... Take step by step...
We need to plan if we want to make this happend.

First thing first -  baby sitter. Siapa i nak carik jadik baby sitter ni? OK...Let's google taska or baby sitter area around my house. Browsing the internet...browsing... ni iklan lama... Taska ni macam tak ambik newborn... huhuhuhu... OK, jom tanya jiran sebelah umah, mana dia hantar anak dia. And nak tak babysitter dia ambik baby...

Msg Masuk - jiran kata, babysitter dia tanak dah jaga baby. Jiran i suggest tanya kat akak yg duduk selang a few houses from mine. Skang ni dia jaga sorang budak ja... So i asked akak A. Alhamdulillah, she said yes!!! Yes! Settle satu perkara on babysitter.

Now on weekend... let's ask my sister. Rumah dia x jauh dr tempat i belajar... and yes, she said yes as well.

But, i think i kena ambik cuti la...nak bonding ngan baby, and nak focus on induce lactation so that i boleh jadikan baby ni anak susuan... i need to take unpaid leave. Errr...cukup ka simpanan nk meet commitment? Let's calculate... hmm... OK kot kalau nak take unpaid leave 2 months...

And i smile...
Lega...terus lega... sebab now i have a plan :-) Next step; further discussion with MDH.


13 August 2016

I was told that the baby was born yesterday! Baby girl. My sister sent her photo, and my heart melted... just melted... (sigh...). I was in my class during that time. And God... susahnya nak control the feeling. Yes, I cried in my class... during the 10-minutes-break-that-the lecturer-gave-us-in-between-the-lecture-where-i-check-my-hp-for-whatssap-messages. After that, i just loose my focus. Just teringatkan the baby, what would be the final decision that we will make, a lot of preparation that we need to do sebab if we were to decide that we want the baby, we need to prepare everything in 2 weeks! Seriously, I just want to lie down and think...


14 August 2016

Over the 2 days, we (me & MDH) think it through... It is 100% for me. Coz bagi i, ini rezeki.I still remember my doa masa last Ramadhan... Kalau cara nak perolehi anak ialah dengan berusaha on our own, I minta Allah murahkan rezeki kami dan permudahkan urusan kami. But if it is dengan cara ambil anak angkat, I minta Allah lorongkan jalan tu.And here it is... Allah dah lorongkan. So I'm 100% yes.

MDH still thinking over the 2 days. I understand... My MIL is still battling her cancer, has a few rounds of chemo. And to have additional responsibility and amanah, it is not an easy decision sebab kat akhirat nanti Allah akan tanya balik sama ada kami tunaikan amanah tu dgn baik ke tak. But in the end, he decided and it is YES! Alhamdulillah... May Allah ease our journey in this...

I was prepared to have a kitten. I end up having a baby :-) Nikmat Tuhan kamu yg manakah kamu mahu dustakan? (crying....)

Please, do pray for us ya... May Allah permudahkan persediaan kami...

p/s: remember my entry Hello? It was all about this :-)

It's tomorrow!

Can't wait! U all pun tertanya tanya kan... Hehhehe... Poyo je i buat countdown... 

Don't worry...

Esok akan terjawab segalanya...

Sapa nak teka countdown utk apa... Meh teka...

Till then 😊

Are we ready?

If u asked me, yes... I'm ready since the past 11 years 😊

Countdown

Am so excited that i don't even care that i have mid term exam tomorrow 🙈🙈🙈🙈

Counting days

Jom countdown with me...

Panic mode

Picture says everything... Panic mode: on!

Anak kucen

Dah makin besar... 

Anak sedara i dah suh datang umah dia pilih anak kucen mana i nak... Huhuhu... X dan lagi nak pi... Kelas je kan on weekend... 

Sementara tu, meh enjoy gambor kucen2 ni...

Geram nyee tengok 😍😍😍

"Anak Angkat"

Entry ni patutnya i buat bulan lepas...tapi busy... ni baru teringat nak post pasal nih...

It was not a light decision to make. Well, at least for me. It is additional responsibility...bertanggungjawab terhadap nyawa lain. Kita yg bagi makan, kita yg kena jaga. Nak pegi mana2 lama2 pun, kena consider 'dia'. Balik kampung, sure la kena angkut skali kan...takkan nak tinggal kat umah...

But from my limited experience, it could be fun kalau 'dia' ada... seronok tgk keletah 'dia'. Terpikir jugak, kalo i outstation nanti macam mana eh? But when i think again, why not...org lain pun outstation gak...kalo org lain bleh manage, why can't i kan?

Yes, i think I'm ready for this responsibility...

Masa mak dia ngandung pun my SIL dah tanya2 i nak tak 'anak' tu. After pikir betul2, akhirnya i agree...

Litter of kitten kepunyaan anak buah i...

Ahahah... Poyo je kan i ni... InsyaAllah one of these kitties will be my 'anak angkat'. Skang ni tunggu putus dia susu. InsyaAllah bulan Oct nanti kot...

I is tak zabarrrr 😁😁😁😁

Till then :-)

On Adrenalin Rush!

Ahahaa... yo yo an je i nih... not really adrenalin rush... but excitement from the watching beregu lelaki badminton Malaysia yg berjaya ke perlawanan final.

I saw the game since the 2nd set. Fuhhhh!!!! Sangat mendebarkan. I plak yg terlebih excited and stress menyokong kat umah... huhhu...

Anyway, all the best Malaysian team!

p/s: 2-3 malam ni asik la terbangun tgh malam...pastu mata terkebil kebil x leh tido eh... huhuhu... Can't stop my brain from thinking and thinking... in addition to nak exam next week, tapi study x lagi eh...adoi la....

Hello...

Oh my... When was my last entry? I don't even remember... Huhuhu...

Ada lg ke readers blog suam2 kuku nih... If there is any, am really sorry for the lack of update. I just have a lame excuse that i was so busy with my work n study (and of course updating my insta 🙊). I found it easier to update my insta since it is very convenient n just need simple updates.

Anyway... How are u my dear readers? As for me, a lot is happening right now. With work, with my personal life. Since naik dari cuti raya hari tu, i memang x dop weekend dah. Been going to my classes. And tomorrow pun i ada kelas... But somehow, i woke up in the middle of the nite and my eyes refuse to sleep... (Sigh... Jgn tido dlm kelas esok sudah la...)

May be because i have a big decision to make. And make it fast. A decision that will affect my life forever. Am praying that Allah will guide me, in making this decision and grant us kebaikan dari keputusan yg dibuat nanti. Will blog sbout it soon (err... Don't count on it.. 😜).

Ok la... I really need to try to sleep. Otherwise there would be a zombie in the class tomorrow, instead of me... Hahaha...

Till then...
👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

Mini Pavlova yg yummeh!

Hari ni ada pot luck opis. Saja buat makan2... I ditugaskan bawak pencuci mulut.

Sebenarnya lama teringin nak makan pavlova. Since bulan posa ri tu. Tapi malas kemain nk buat sendiri. Nak kecah2 dapur. So amik kesempatan ni order mini pavlova ngan cik Sal.

Mmg sedap sgt mini pavlova ni. X manis sgt n buah2 x masam sangat. Cukup sedap lah pendek kata... 😋

Hehehe... Dah tercapai hasrat nk mkn pavlova. Lepas ni kita diet balik ya 🙊🙊🙊🙊

Kehkehkeh...

Till then 😊

Happy Bday Abang

Ya Allah, 

Kurniakan dia Rahmat dan Kasih Sayang Mu,

Pimpinlah dia menjadi hamba Mu yg soleh, 

Tingkatkanlah iman nya, 

Mantapkanlah taqwa nya, 

Berikan kekuatan buat nya untuk memimpin ku ke syurga Mu...

Semoga kau pertemukan kami di syurga Mu ya Allah... 

Sanah helwah abang 😘😘😘

https://instagram.com/p/BIlvRMcjWaH/

Pasal Troley... Again

 Just sharing my ig posting today... 

https://instagram.com/p/BIUGGDJj2bf/

Dulu pun i dah penah blog pasal ni... Come on people... Exercise sket n letak la troley tu kat tempat yg sepatutnya... Bukan susah sangat pun kan? 

Abaya from UAE

I mmg suka pakai jubah/abaya. Kalo datang hari malas, mmg jubah/abaya la yg i pakai. 

Pg td, my sister forward this link on abaya... OMG 😍😍😍😍 cantik cantik abayanya...

Meh cuci mata sket tgk abaya from UAE ni...

The abaya skali ngan shawl. Cantik kan? Well, at least to my eyes la nampak cantik... 🙊🙊🙊

Well, if u olls nk cuci2 mata tgk abaya ni (banyak sgt choices nk buh kat sini) pls visit this page:

https://m.facebook.com/NiaApparel/albums/514948488694094/

Hurry! Order close on 25th July 2016 (Yeay... Dah gaji 🙈🙈🙈). 

Till then 😊

Please vote for Urban Snaps Photo Booth!

Hi dear readers... 

Tallypress.com tengah buat undian 'Top 10 Photo Booth Vendors in Malaysia'.

I nak minta jasa baik kawan2 utk buat undian and vote Urban Snaps Photo Booth. This is my brother's photobooth 😊

You can cast your vote at the following link:

http://www.pollbookapp.com/Share/399697

Just click like sign kat Urban Snaps Photo Booth ya...

Thank You for your vote...

Till then 😊

Tragedi Aidilfitri

Assalam dear readers...

Lama cuti dari menulis di blog ni... I Banyak update di insta. Hehehe... 

Macam mana raya uolls? Raya i tahun ni sederhana. Menyambut raya di rumah Mil (walaupun patutnya giliran i tahun ni) sebab MDH keje since a day before raya sampai la raya ke empat. Tak jalan mana2 except for rumah jiran belakang umah mil. Sebab mil pun x berapa sihat kan...

Nevertheless, seronok dapat berkumpul ramai2, masak sama2... Tahun ni i in charge masak rendang ayam cili api. Pergh... Mmg sedap la... Kehkehkeh... (X malu puji diri sendiri). Sedap sebab masak sambil dipantau master chef mil ;-) 

Raya ke lima, baru la beransur ke kampung i... Tapi kan... Ada tragedi raya sesampainya i di rumah my parent... MDH dah tinggalkan beg baju i kat umah mil! I balik kampung sehelai sepinggang ok! Huhuhu... Kelakar plak rasanya... Seb baik balik umah parent sendiri. Ada lagi la baju2 lama i dalam almari tu. Tapi bila pi beraya umah makcik pakcik i di kampung tu, memang terpaksa pinjam baju my mum and tudung adik2 i la...seb baik sama size. Hahaha... Tragedi hari raya betul!

Home seeet home

And today, dah balik ke rumah i semula... Seronok bercuti for a week. Esok dah start keje... Argh... Lemaunye... Huhuhu...

Till then...

Salam Aidilfitri

Dear Readers,

The last day of Ramadhan. 

Sekejap lagi, akan berlalu pergi... Diiringi takbir memuji kebesaran Ilahi. 

Sekejap lagi, Syawal akan datang. 

Ku susun sepuluh jari mohon keampunan... Atas segala khilaf dan kesilapan.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Moga Allah terima amalan kita... Moga kita kan bertemu lagi dgn Ramadhan yg akan datang...

Amin...

And the class begin...

Orang lain sibuk buat persiapan raya, i sibuk pi registration for my class 😅

One of my resolution this year is to complete my ACCA study. I begin this journey since 2003. Huhuhu... Now 2016, i intend to complete my study. 

Hari ni registration day and 1st day of my class. Since i buat part time, my classess is only on weekend (huhuhu... No more relax2 tgk tv on weekend 😭😭😭). Tengok2 keliling, i bet these students are much younger than me... Hehehhe... 

Beratur nk amik gambar student card

Well, do pray for me ya... Smg i dapat capai azam i nk habiskan my ACCA qualification ni... Amin...

Ok, kelas nk start dah... Till then!

P/s: i now bnyk update @ my insta... U r welcome to follow me @ ninaafida

Tik..Tok...Tik...Tok...and time flies...

credit to owner

Tik..Tok..Tik..Tok..
Kita di fasa kedua Ramadhan.
Pantas benar masa berlalu,
Adakah kita dapat Rahmat Allah di bulan Ramadhan ini?
Adakah kita mendapat keampunan Allah di bulan yg penuh barkah ini?
Adakah kita akan dapat melepaskan diri kita dari api neraka usai Ramadhan ini?

Tik..Tok...Tik..Tok...
Masa terus berlalu...
Tik...Tok...Tik...Tok...
Adakah kita orang2 yg rugi?
Yang membiarkan Ramadhan berlalu tanpa usaha memperbaiki diri?
Tik..Tok...Tik..Tok...

Ayuh!
Kita masih berkesempatan mengejar Rahmat, Keampunan dan Pelepasan dari api neraka...
Teruskan melawan hawa nafsu, perbanyakkan ibadah dan tadarus...
Jangan lelah...
Kerana Ramadhan hampir sampai ke penghujung...

Jangan Sombong

Orang mungkin pandang kita sebagai seorang yg mulia,

Mungkin juga mereka mempunyai persepsi yg bagus-bagus tentang kita.

Mereka rasa hormat kerana kita berpendidikan tinggi, 

Mereka rasa hormat kerana kita berpangkat,

Mereka rasa hormat kerana kita berharta...

TAPI...

Sekali aib kita diketahui, hilang terus rasa hormat itu...

#FindMiracleInEverydaysLife

Rezeki tak di sangka-sangka... 

Hari ni ada visit by VIP from the shareholder company. Macam biasa, kena pakai uniform. So hari ni decide nak pakai seluar color hitam i yg dah lama x dipakai.

Masa meeting, tetiba rasa ada kertas dalam poket seluar. Seluk poket n.....

MasyaAllah...

Subhanallah... Sayang sungguh Allah pada i... Diberi rezeki tambahan. Mungkin dulu Allah gerakkn hati i nak simpan duit ni dlm poket seluar tu and forgot about it, supaya i dapat duit tu hari ni, utk belanja raya... Alhamdulillah....

Maka nikmat Tuhan mu yg manakah yg kamu dustakan...😭😭😭

Puzzle...

If u follow my blog, u would know i don't write about politics. But what i read today really puzzle me...

I read about the kidnapping of 4 sarawakians, and about the rm12 millions that was raised by the family members. 

What puzzled me - why the hack it was donated to charity? It wasn't even government's money. The money was raised by the family members. Siap gadai umah lagi... Kenapa tak dipulangkan kepada ahli keluarga tu semula kalau mmg the money was not used in negotiating with the kidnapper? 

Pelik kan? Lately ni rasa macam senang sungguh nak dapat donation 2.6 juta and senang2 jugak nk bagi donation 12 juta 🤔.

Be truthful and jgn putar belit. I admit i didn't know the whole story, but from my reading the story is really puzzling...

#jgnperbodohknrakyat

Click here for the story

Sumpah Iblis

'Dia' memang tak akan senang duduk kalau kita jadi hamba Allah yg taat.

'Dia' akan sentiasa menggoda kita supaya ikut jejaknya menjadi kufur.

Kerana, 'Dia' sudah bersumpah akan menyesatkan anak Adam... Kecuali hamba Allah yg ikhlas...

A reminder for us..

Traffic Jam

MasyaAllah... Pantas betui masa berlalu... Dah masuk second week kita berpuasa dah...

Bulan ramadhan ni, alhamdulillah company bagi balik pkol 4.30. Ingatkn dah cukup awal tu... Rupanya jam jugak ya... It took me almost an hour to reach home. But better la kan... Smpai umah pkol 5.30 ptg, solat then terus masak for berbuka. Lauk nk masak selalunya dah pesan kt MDH suh kluarkan siap2. So x la banyak masa habiskn tuk defrost lauk tu. Kalo MDH keje malam, i beli ja lauk brbuka... Sorang2 kan... X kose akak nk masak... 

Lauk berbuka semalam, grilled lamb, mashed potato, grilled vege and kurma goreng

But i pity those yg x dpt kelonggaran balik awal di bulan ramadhan. Jumaat Last week, i balik kampung, pkol 5 ptg bertolak dari rumah. Allahu... Jam sepanjang jalan! Perjalanan yg selalunya ambik masa sejam, jadik 2 jam setengah hokey... Sampai umah my mum ngam2 buka posa. 

To those yg sangkut kt dlm trafik di bulan2 puasa ni, banyakkn bersabar ya... Smg pahala puasa kalian berlipat ganda berkat kesabaran u all menghadapi jam tu...

Till then 😊

Update

OMG, rasa macam lama gila x tulih blog (baru seminggu je kot)... blog walking pun x sempat... huhuhu...

For the past weeks, I was busy with completion of audited accounts, sampai la Board Meeting pagi tadi. Settle dah dua2 company...and alhamdulillah the board meeting went well. X kena marah teruk2 pun... reminder jer from the directors... heheheh...OK la... skang dah bleh senyum sampai telinga and relax sket.

Esok i coti...yeay! Coti ganti sempena Agong's bday on saturday. Then monday, i amik coti. Saje2...nak rehat sket lps hempas pulas siapkan audit. heheheh.... And this monday dah start posa! Subhanallah.... sekejap je kan masa berlalu... kadang dok pikir, apa achievement i this year, nak abis half of the year dah, tapi mcm sibuk keje but don't know what i did... LOL...

Anyway, just wanna wish u all Ramadhan Kareem... Semoga Ramadhan tahun ni lebih baik dari tahun sebelumnya, and semoga Allah pertemukan kita dgn malam lailatul qadar... Amin...

Till then :-)

google

Doa

Usai solat maghrib tadi, termenung sejenak. Allah... lelah rasanya... Esok hari terakhir submission Board Paper. Tapi audited account i masih belum finalised... Board meeting is next week! And i was suppose to submit my paper a week before the meeting. Dah 3 kali i tunda tarikh submission. And tomorrow was my last chance. Kalau tidak, bersedialah untuk kena marah dgn Board Members...

Serabut otak i mikir... Berat rasa bebanan kerja ni... I have done everything from my part. And now, i just have to wait for the matter to resolve.

Terus i baca surah al-insyirah, moga Allah lapangkan hati dan fikiran i. I hayati bait2 ayat surah ini... ada kesenangan dalam kesulitan. Sesungguhnya ada kesenangan dalam kesulitan... dan i panjatkan doa semoga Allah leraikan kesulitan ini... Pasrah... I berserah pada Nya.

After isya', dapat message from auditor. He said the outstanding matters dah settled. And the figure can be finalised. He will send the draft tomorrow morning.

Subhanallah... Alhamdulillah... Allah dengar doa i. Terharu dan rasa sangat bersyukur sampai mengalir air mata gembira.

This is a reminder to myself. jangan putus harapan. Sungguh, mintalah pada Nya... Dia Maha Mendengar dan Maha Memberi...

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal...

Apa kamu pilih?

Kalau di beri pilihan...

Kamu mahu wang berkepuk? 

aku beri. 

Tapi syaratnya, kamu tidak akan dapat anak, dan kamu hanya akan hidup berdua dgn pasangan mu sahaja sehingga kamu mati.

Kamu mahu?

Kalau diberi pilihan...

Kamu mahu harta dan segunung intan permata? 

aku beri...

Tapi syaratnya, kamu tidak akan tahu apa itu rasa bahagia, tenang hati, jiwa dan raga. 

Kamu mahu?

Jgn banding bahagia orang dgn bahagia diri sendiri... Allah Maha Adil... Rezeki diberikan dalam pelbagai bentuk. Sesuai dgn kehidupan kita, sesuai dgn tanggungjawab kita...

Kamu nampak kamu kurang di sini, tapi org lain nampak kamu lebih di sana. 

Gembiralah dgn apa yg ada... Sebab bila2 masa nikmat itu boleh ditarik sekelip mata...

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...

Punching Bag

Marah macammana pun dengan org lain, please la jangan dilempiaskan kemarahan tu ke org lain pulak.

Today, first day I masuk keje minggu ni. I cuti semalam. Masuk opis, biasa la...ada queries from auditor yg nak dijawab and kena follow up on request balance confirmation dari shareholders. Since one of the shareholder x reply lagi, i sent an email requesting them to reply.

She called me. In a tone yg menunjukkan dia tak berpuas hati, and ask...why she need to confirm the balance? According to her, it looks like she is the one yg buat keje auditor. (Financial auditor out there, nak tanya...bukan ke salah satu cara yg paling tepat ialah balance confirmation from 3rd party? Instead of doing vouching dari revenue and receivable balance kan? I ni lama dah x buat audit on financial reporting ni...tapi rasanya kalau ikut ranking, confirmation dr 3rd party lebih baik dari vouching internal document kan?).

I ni memang penyabar orangnya, tapi sabar i ada limit juga tau. Bila sampai tahap 'ko ni apa hal nak marah aku pulak...' i memang malas nk bertekak. Laipun, makin kita layan, makin menjadi jadi marah dia. so i just shut my mouth and let her vent her anger and dissatisfaction. Dah habis dia bcakap tu, i just said, 'OK I'll check with auditor' and i hang up the phone.

I x faham, apa yg susah sgt dia nak reply confirmation tu. ...apa yg susah sgt ko nak reply balance confirmation? If tanak reply pon, fine! tak yah reply. Yg jadik i sakit ati, i pulak dia nk syarahkan as if i ni staff dia. We are of equal rank. I didn't report to her pun. 

Penat tau jadi punching bag.... (this is not the first time... dah a few time jadi mcm ni...).

p/s: My MIL dah keluar hospital hari ni...alhamdulillah... TQ atas doa kawan2 semua... Skang ni sambung recovery kat rumah pula...  

Satu hari di HUKM

Satu hari di HUKM, masa i melawat my MIL, doktor pelatih datang ke katil my mil.

*DI- doctor intern
*I- me


DI: puan, boleh saya interview tentang pesakit?

I: silakan...

DI: patient sakit apa ya?

I: Ada tumor dalam usus besar. 

DI: how did the patient found out she has tumor?

I: she's been having abdominal pain for the past 4 days. When we went to specialist they did MRI and found a tumor in her large intestine. 

DI: owh... Dah operate ke? 

I: belum. But doctor will do it asap as this is considered emergency case. The intestine is blocked. They will take the tumor out and check whether the tumor is benign or malignant.

DI: ic... Okey. Tq for your time.

I: no problem. You all student tahun ke berapa ni? 

DI: third year. Ermmm... Puan ni doctor ke?

Hehehehe... Ada muka doctor agaknya i ni 😅

P/s: Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well. Doc kata mudah ja urusan pembedahan my mil. Skang ni concentrate on recovery. Terima Kasih kepada semua yg mendoakan. Semoga Allah balas dgn kebaikan yg setimpal dan rezeki yang meluas buat kalian. Amin...

My MIL

My MIL sangat baik. I'm so lucky to have her as my mother in law. Rezeki yg x semua orang dapat. Dia x pernah pressure I pasal anak. She knows my condition and she understood. She was the one who took care of me after my 2 laparascopic surgeries and my 2 IVFs. She is one strong women, taking care of her kids when FIL passed away.

Last week, my MIL sakit perut for 3 days. Actually she was having abdominal pain since past 3 months, tapi it was on and off. Cuma last week sakit tu berterusan, hence she decided to go to hospital. Doctor prescribed her panadol & antibiotic, saying that she has Urine Track Infection. She asked the doctor, x payah nak scan ka apa ka? And the doctor said, NO need.

The next day, makin sakit. My hubby asked my BIL to take my MIL to Salam medical centre. After MRI, doc found out tumor in her large intestine. The intestine was blocked and the tumor area dah bengkak. Doc suggest to operate soon, as the MRI result is not looking good. But since cost pembedahan di hospital swasta mahal, the family decided to transfer her to HUKM.

And this morning, my MIL tgh menjalani operation utk buang tumor tersebut. Mohon doa rakan2 sekalian, smg Allah permudahkan urusan my MIL and smg Allah kuatkan hati kami semua untuk menghadapi ujian ni.

"Ya Allah, permudahkan lah untuk mak... berikan kesembuhan untuknya, dan sejahterakan lah hidupnya di dunia dan di akhirat....Amin...."

Pengalaman Ujian Mammogram

Last week, persatuan penduduk wanita kawasan perumahan i anjurkan program mamogram. Alhamdulillah, berkesempatan join kali ni.

Last year, x bleh join sbb dia kata only 40 years and above je yg boleh. This year penganjur kata 35 years above bleh pi. Laju i sign up. 

Tapi bila sampai hospital, registration i x diterima sbb belum 40. Akak yg anjurkan program tu suruh tunggu sbb dia nak check dgn wakil hospital yg dia deal with tu. According to them, those yg below 40 breast tissues are still dense. Kiranya mcm x nampak sgt la result mammogram tu. But those yg bawah 40, atas 35 tahun kalau ada faktor risiko, boleh buat ujian ni.

Macam i, since I'm above 35 years and never been pregnant, plus my aunty has cancer history, so they allowed me to do the mammogram.

bilik mammogram

Prosedur mammogram went well. Macam nak x-ray jugak, u kena buka semua pakaian (belah atas ja, so better pakai baju yg 2 piece instead of jubah/dress) n pakai hospital gown. Semua accessory diperbuat dari besi yg u pakai (like keronsang) kena buka.

To me ujian ni x sakit pun. Cuma kurang selesa sebab pressure on your breast. They try to flatten ur breast untuk dapatkn imej terbaik dari tepi dan atas for the mammogram. Macam terkapit kan... rasa x selesa la sikit...

Sekejap ja buat mammogram ni. Yg penting kena lembutkan sikit badan, sebab sometimes u would feel awkward nak berdiri dekat dgn mesin mammogram tu. Don't worry, the radiologist will help u do that... so kena lembutkan badan, nanti dia adjust cara berdiri n nk letak tangan kat mana sume... Alhamdulillah radiologist kami dapat perempuan).

But mcm yg i kata kat atas tadi, imej mammogram i x berapa jelas, sebab i'm below 40. So dia buat ultrasound pula to confirm there is no lump or other sign of cancer. Habis ultrasound, tunggu jumpa doc plak nak dapatkan result.

Bila jumpa doc, doc kata i ada calcification sikit on my left upper outer area. Calcification ni macam pengumpulan kalsium, which is normal as we aged. It could also be cancer symptom, but since there is no other sign of cancer, doc rule out that my BIRAD score is 2 - benign findings. Doc advise i repeat ultrasound test within a year to see if there is any changes.

Alhamdulillah...lega rasanya bila result ok. Sebab last 2 weeks masa buat self examination, rasa mcm ada lump. Doc cakap may be tu lymph nodes...

It's important to do self breast check up. And if u rasa something wrong with your breast, pls do go to nearest clinic and get doc's opinion. Especially my TTCian friend yg dah 35 and above, sebab the risk is higher for breast cancer memandangkan kita x pernah mengandung dan menyusukan anak.

FYI, my fren bgtau LPPKN ada free mammogram screening sampai bulan july ni di klinik2/hospital2 terpilih (after that, no more subsidi!). You can call them and ask about this program. If u r 40 and meet syarat kelayakan dia, yes you can proceed terus mammogram. But if u above 35 and below 40, menepati syarat kelayakan dia, tapi ada faktor2 risiko lain, u boleh buat juga. You can refer LPPKN pages here for more info.

Breast Cancer adalah pembunuh utama wanita... early detection can prevent this...

Till then :-)

Ell Jus Herba

Sepanjang hidup i, i tak pernah makan/minum jamu. Bukan apa...bila sebut jamu ni, dok terbayang pahit dan tak sedap. Ye la kan... ubat2 mesti selalunya pahit & x sedap. Rasa macam loya tekak la kalo nak telan...

Until..... Kawan i promote kat I Ell Jus Herba.

Skang ni pagi2 mmg minum jus herba ni...

Memula tu macam... err... nak try ke? Kang x lalu, membazir ja... My friend kata, jus ni elok untuk kesihatan dalaman org perempuan. Elok untuk buang angin2 dalam badan, dan stabilkan hormon (A few months ago period i haywire...) And since dia buat dari bahan2 asli, tak de campuran bahan kimia semua, apa salahnya kalau i cuba kan... so i try la...

My verdict;

First time minum; hmmm.... not bad. Tak la pahit, and ok ja i minum. (Since i tgh diet, I amik yg stevia. Tapi kawan i kata yg ada gula melaka lagi sedap. Lepas ni bleh try beli yg gula melaka pulop). Tak sampai 5 minit i minum, i terus pening and loya sebab angin i naik kepala. Lepas i sedawa keluar angin, fuh...lega... Tapi sekarang ni bila ambil jus ni, dah x loya n pening dah. Sekali tu ja i loya n pening. Agaknya sebab banyak sgt angin dalam badan i masa tu, dia kasik buang semua.

Second thing yg i notice, my visit ke toilet pagi2. Alhamdulillah... memang pagi2 x miss dari 'membuang' sejak i ambik jus ni. Hehehehe... good for my intestine :-P My period pun alhamdulillah dah stabil semula. And the bonus point - kulit i jadi lembut! Yang tu i x sangka sebab masa i cuba i x baca pun apa2 testimoni or kebaikan jus ni, melainkan mcm yg kawan i cakap kat i tadi. So i was quite surprise bila i rasa kulit i lembut. heheheh....

Selain tu, i rasa bertenaga and rasa ringan badan. Alhamdulillah, every weekdays, pagi2 bila bangun tido, x de nk malas2 atas katil... I woke up, solat then terus buat senaman pagi i for 30 - 40 minutes. Then siap2 pi keje. OK ja i bertenaga sampai la malam. Mungkin sebab badan dah rasa ringan, tambah dengan senaman2 pagi tu, i rasa cergas ja sepanjang hari...

So conclusionnya, jus ni memang serasi dgn i. And I think jus ni bagus untuk kawan2 yg hormon haywire and tgh TTC. Mana tau, mungkin lepas minum jus ni, hormon stable and rahim pun jadi lebih sihat, ada rezeki u all. Kita usaha ja kan :-) Jus ni pun sesuai untuk org yg baru lepas bersalin... Sebab dia memulihkan semula rahim (kasik 'ketat' balik mana2 yg dah loose tu) and beri tenaga... Kalau u all nak try, i suggest try 4 botol untuk stok sebulan terus. Boleh pm fb/wassap the following fb/number:

fb:  NOR ILDA AMIZA II

Whatssap: 017-603 2524

Ni i attached brochure Jus Herba Ell

antara kebaikan minuman jus herba Elle ni...

Guideline kalau nk loss weight ELLian's style

Bahan2 dalam jus Ell

Ni harganya...tengah promosi pengenalan... harga mampu milik (x termasuk kos pos) dan berbaloi dgn khasiatnya...

A Letter To The Embryos That Didn’t Implant After Our IVF Transfer

Kawan TTC i forward this message @ my wassap last week. A letter written by a lady who failed her IVF. Lepas baca, i terus rasa... yes... that was the same feeling that i felt after my IVFs failure, Despite the grief and sadness of failed IVF, there was a sense of gratefulness for having to experience being 'preggy' even though for only 11 days.

Here goes the letter....



To our little embryos, the ones that failed to implant after our IVF transfer:


I wish I knew why things work out the way they do, but I don’t.


I don’t know why you didn’t stick around (literally) the way I hoped and prayed you would. I don’t know why our IVF transfer failed, why you didn’t grow into the beautiful little babies I imagined you could have been. I don’t know why I’ll never get to hear your hearts beat, feel your tiny feet kick, or swell with your growing life inside of me.


I don’t know why you weren’t meant to become my children. I don’t know why the children I already have won’t get to call you siblings or why my parents won’t get to call you grandbabies.


I don’t know why I won’t get to call you by the names I so carefully chose for you.


I don’t know why I was chosen to bear the burden of infertility. I don’t know why I can’t just be “normal” or why my body so strongly resists giving me what my heart desires.


I don’t know why you left me empty in so many places—my womb, my heart, the part of my soul that attached to you when the doctor put you inside of me. I don’t know how long the holes you left will take to close. I don’t know if they ever will.


I don’t know a lot of things, little embryos, but I do know this:


For you—and for all you gave me in our short time together—I am grateful.


I am grateful for the sense of purpose you gave me.


I am grateful because you made me feel like something bigger than myself (and I’m not just talking about all the bloating from the hormones and IVF medications). You made me feel responsible for protecting you. You made my body feel like a gift instead of a curse. You made me aware of the fragility of life, and you taught me how to cherish it.


You made me feel like I was worth something, like I was something.


I am grateful for the 11 days of “pregnancy” you gave me.


I am grateful because in that short span of time we spent together before my negative blood test, I got to feel like any other pregnant woman, even if I was never technically pregnant at all. I got to make decisions based on what was best for you. I got to request decaf coffee and hard-cooked eggs at the diner we went to for breakfast. I got to avoid hot baths and heating pads, even when I was cramping. I got to practice prenatal yoga and monitoring my own heart rate so it never rose above 140.


I got to feel just a touch of that unique pregnancy paradox—to experience something that’s so innately natural, yet so breathtakingly extraordinary.


I am grateful for the memories you gave me.


I am grateful because even though I feel an emptiness now, I remember the fullness I felt when we were together. I remember how it felt when you filled me with love and optimism, with promise and possibility. I remember how it felt when you filled me with life.


I remember how it felt to carry you in my body and in my heart. I remember you. And I always will.


And for that, little embryos, I am grateful.


So even though we’ve parted ways, even though our destinies were not meant to intertwine, even though I am sitting here at my computer typing you this letter through tears of grief, I am grateful.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...
For my IVF experience, you can read at this link  & link...

Game of Thrones

Put your hand up if you are Game of Thrones' fan!

credit google

I am :-)
I dah ikuti series ni since season 1 lagi. And i was so excited last nite when the series made its premier in HBO. But at the same time, i masih x dapat terima hakikat yang Jon snow dah mati... Why?! Why he had to be dead?! (Tekup muka). Tak puas ati tau!

Anyway, x semua character diceritakan malam tadi. I still don't know apa nasib 2 adik bongsu keluarga Stark (Bran & Rickon). Can't wait for next episode....

Nice name huh? hehehhe... 

Saja try create my G.O.T name kat this link  Why don't u try and tell me ur G.O.T name :-)

Till then :-)

Rezeki dan Tanggungjawab Yang ditunaikan

Rezeki, bukan duit dan wang ringgit je...
Rezeki bukan tentang makan dan pakai kita ja...
Rezeki tu dalam pelbagai bentuk...
Pass exam itu rezeki, anak itu rezeki, hidup bahagia itu rezeki, hidup dalam ketenangan itu juga rezeki.

Rezeki ni Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali lagi. Tak ada yang banyak, tak ada yang sikit...semuanya cukup. Sesuai dgn keadaan kita, sesuai dgn tanggungjawab yg kita tunaikan...

Kalau kita banyak memberi, InsyaAllah, Allah akan tambah rezeki kita sebab kita tunaikan tanggungjawab tambah itu (memberi & bersedekah).
Kalau kita ramai anak, InsyaAllah, Allah akan beri rezeki tambahan untuk kita, supaya bersesuaian dgn tanggungjawab tambahan kita tu.
Kalau kita berusaha, InsyaAllah, rezeki itu akan sampai sebab kita dah tunaikan tanggungjawab kita dgn berusaha mencari rezeki.

Jgn runsing soal rezeki, sbb Allah takkan aniaya Hamba Nya... yang penting, kita ada usaha, doa dan tawakkal...

Dan ingat, rezeki hanya akan putus, bila kita mati...

Salam Jumaat :-)

Detail Blood Test Result Cholesterol & Glucose in blood

Just for my record...

Ni result detail blood test on Gula dalam darah & cholesterol i masa health day hari tu. Actual glucose in blood 4.6 (normal) and Total Cholesterol to HDL ratio of 4.0. Tapi bad cholesterol and my total cholesterol i quite tinggi dr recommended point. So still kena hati2 and keep on jaga makan...

How do you know you are in serious relationship?

Ha... cemana eh u all tau yg relationship u all dah berubah taraf... dari kawan biasa dah jadi teman istimewa?

credit to owner

Honestly, I x de la kawan2 yg serius masa zaman skolah2 dulu. Zaman Uni, pon x dop. Org takut nak mendekati i kot... I was not really approachable agaknya :-P (tapi tu lah hikmahnya... sbb jodoh i bukan di kalangan kenalan skolah/uni i).

Masa zaman skolah2, memang ada istilah 'declare'. Maksudnya, perhubungan tu dikira serius (definition serius budak skolah la ya... hahahaha) bila ada declaration. Apa declarationnya? 'I love u' la kot... kehkehkeh... (sorry, x berpengalaman). And bila dah declare, perhubungan tu dah consider serious and exclusive.

For me, i know I'm in serious relationship masa awal2 kenal my husband lagi. Masa tu i dah 24 tahun. Dah ready for marriage. So bila my husband approached me, i asked him straight - 'Ni nak kawan saja2 ka, or kawan (dgn tujuan) nak kawin?' Hahahaha... ganas tak ganas? Of course my hubby kata kawan dgn tujuan nak kawin la kalau ada jodoh... so from there i know we are exclusive :-)

kitorang kawan pon x lama... we met in July 2004, we got engaged in Nov 2004 and we get married in April 2005. Allah permudahkan...smooth ja... banyak kenal my husband lepas kami kawin :-)

Heheheh... u all pulop macam mana? Bila u all tau yg u all in serious relationship?